Lauren and I met in Mueller Lake Park on a breezy afternoon for a conversation that was top notch with respect to content and honestly, the audio was amazing as well! Given that Lauren is a podcast empresario, we may end up releasing the audio of this interview at some point! If you’re looking for a sterling example of making the best out of a pandemic- from overindulging in Mexican Martinis to chancing into a grad school program, to inventive ways of making human contact hygienically, this conversation is a can’t miss!
Coach Chad: I think the first question that I wanted to ask you, Lauren Lichterman is-
Lauren Lichterman: Is it on?
Oh, we’re recording!
We goin’! Woo!
So it is April 14th today and about a year ago your world changed more dramatically than most people I know with respect to what their plans were versus what actually ended up happening. Can you talk to me a little bit about what you planned on doing in the Spring of 2020 and what actually happened?
*giggling knowingly* So… I had quit my job that I had had for 10 years-
Which was?
Working in the University of Texas Athletics Department- Hook em horns! I had been there for a decade working in facilities and events and I reached a limit. I loved it, it was great, but one can only work 60-80 hour weeks for so long. So I quit my job, didn’t know what I was going to do, and formulated this idea based around a conference in London that I was going to go to in March of 2020. I figured since I was unemployed and had some savings, why would I come back?
Makes perfect sense!
So my original plan was to get on a plane on March 14th with a one way ticket to London and then just travel and volunteer around the world for the next year or two. That didn’t pan out…
Wait, why didn’t that pan out?
Unfortunately this little thing called Covid hit the entire world-
Ahhhh yes, that!
We had a pandemic and all the borders to countries started closing on March 13th, so literally a 12 hour difference and I might have been stuck in London. I would have had to buy a very expensive ticket back or to find an AirBnB in London and-
and start working on your cockney accent?
And do nothing! Just being trapped in London- there are obviously worse places to be.
Can you do a British accent by the way?
Oh I am the worst at accents-
Do one anyway!
Uh… Chip, chip cheerio! *laughing* Cheers to the gov’nah! *dear readers, she really isn’t that bad! I’d give her a C-!*
Good job! What went through your mind when this happened I thought about you so much. For me, I don’t do well with plans being messed up because I’m mildly obsessive compulsive. I would have been destroyed.
It was not pleasant. For a while I was convinced that I was still going to go and that it would all blow over *sardonic laughter*. A handful of very concerned and stern friends talked me off of getting on a plane. I am very obsessive about making plans too, so it was very surprising that I had booked such an open trip. So for the rest of March I was just drunk for like two weeks. I was going to pity party for 4 or 5 days and then give myself a cut-off point for being mad. But at that point I had literally nothing to do!
I feel like I remember hearing the phrase “passed out in a kiddy pool in my driveway on Cinco de Mayo”?
That happened! I made Trudy’s Mexican Martinis and didn’t have much of a direction at that point. So I was going to travel the world but I ended up working at Home Depot instead, so things really worked out for the better!
When life hands you lemonade, make lemons eh?
Exactly! It was not my favorite- I made it a month.
I was lucky enough to be in phone and texting contact with you throughout all of this, and it was my perception that you never really bottomed out. You seemed to be in as good of a headspace as any of us at the time. Is that true? Do you feel like you kept a pretty decent head on your shoulders?
I think I did. I guess if the rest of the world hadn’t also been suffering then it might have been harder to digest that my world imploded. Most people were way worse off than me- I had savings. I had friends lose jobs, people’s daily lives got disrupted- I did not have a daily life.
That is an incredible amount of self awareness and graciousness. I feel like that could have been a really dark time for you and the way you handled it was actually quite inspirational to me. Like Lauren is keeping her shit together, so why not keep my shit together.
Thanks! *bashful laughter*
Were there any dark moments you wanted to highlight, because otherwise I’m going to move along.
I think the dark moment was the day after Cinco de Mayo when I thought maybe I was dying. I didn’t pass out! I fell in the Kiddy Pool. I don’t remember a lot of that day- I had a lot of Zooms going on. I am normally a very responsible drunk and apparently I couldn’t figure out how to unplug the kiddy pool.
I wanted to point to the brighter side because through all of this, your life hit a major inflection point. Your life pivoted completely during the height of the pandemic. Can you talk about that?
Yeah! Early mid-May I got an opportunity to go to grad school and become a research assistant in sports sustainability and to get my Masters in sports management- which is ironically something I have said that I would never ever, ever, ever do- going back to school. But when you have literally nothing going on in life and an expert in your field reaches out and says they want to work with you, grab that bull by the horns!
Hook’em!
Right- and the only downside is the program is at A&M which is a bit of an inner conflict.
Gig’em?
They do say that. So because of the pandemic, most of the coursework is remote so I didn’t need to move to College Station. So now I am in the academic world! It is very different to be in an academic program with twenty-two year olds-
You mean people of the age twenty-two right? Not like twenty two years?
*laughing* Correct!
Not a grad program for toddlers?
I clear the next oldest person by five years- I’m closer in age to all of my professors than anyone in my cohort.
So that isn’t just thriving in spite of the pandemic, it sounds like you were attuned to possibilities that happened because of the pandemic.
Absolutely!
Now one of the more serious questions the coaches wanted me to ask you was Beth Reyburn wanted to know how you got into sustainability. And this might be a good time for you to tag on a mini bio of yourself.
I grew up recycling and caring about the environment and didn’t think too much about it until I got into my full time job with Texas Athletics. I had originally been hired to create and manage their customer service program on game days for different sports. I randomly got invited to a meeting with the sustainability office on campus. They wanted to build a tailgate recycling program and asked if I could support it. So for the first couple years I was just in a support role but I ended up, in collaboration with the office of sustainability, building out this massive Texas Athletics sustainability program. Our main focus has been in zero waste, so I’ve jumped in lots of dumpsters and I’ve touched lots of trash-
So you have to have a killer immune system!
I have to! Yeah, there’s been some gross trash- rancid meat day, rainbow spills (which is our code for vomit at events). So yeah, just by happenstance- good timing and networking. They gave me the autonomy to work on (sustainability) as long as I got my other work done. So I got grant funding and sponsorships. What I love about it is that it is important for the world and it is a challenge all of the time- there is always something to fix in building sustainability. I’ve loved puzzles all my life- I got caught doing a puzzle during class today! And then I’ve found that I need meaning in my work- I need to be doing something for the common good in order to be motivated to do it.
That is great. For someone who has eyes trained on sustainability I have two questions: a. what is the most common violation of sustainability protocol and b. what is the most egregious?
I wonder if they are one in the same? The most common is paper. People don’t know what to do with paper. Paper towels, specifically, are not recyclable and everyone thinks they are. They have a conditioner in them that makes them function as paper towels-
People really think that?
Yes! I mean you would recycle newspaper if it got a little wet, you’d recycle computer paper if it got a little wet- but you don’t use those things as paper towels! So that is a huge misconception people have of paper towels.
And a huge misconception you have of me is that I actually do use computer paper to dry my hands.
No you don’t!
I like the way it feels.
How many paper cuts do you have?
So many! I’m a bad boy and I like to remind myself that I’m a bad boy. Okay, so people not knowing what to do with paper. What makes you the most angry? What is flagrant and egregious?
What immediately came to mind is greenwashing. Companies will spend their marketing dollars telling you that they’re doing good stuff for the environment but they are actually spending more money on the marketing than the thing itself.
Wow!
You see it with Exxon and BP, Coca Cola- they are trying to tell you that they are doing good and to put the onus on the individual to be more sustainable when they are actually the biggest offenders. There aren’t a lot of common definitions for materials, so they can use “compostable” or “biodegradable” as they wish and there is no regulation. It pisses me off to no end. You’ll have to cut me off on this in a second, but you know “reduce, reuse, recycle”? That is a hierarchy, you should reduce first and then reuse and then recycle. Most people think “recycle, recycle, recycle” because Coca Cola has put a shit ton of marketing dollars in telling you that you need to recycle stuff so that you will buy their plastic and aluminum.
And there are other reasons to not drink Coca Cola- like health. That is a great segue! Lauren, how did you get into health and fitness?
I grew up playing sports. I had never been into working out for fun, it was just a necessity because that is how sports work. I had a roommate years ago- however long I’ve been a member, seven years?- who worked out at Dane’s and when she came to live with me asked me if I’d like to join. I figured if I was going with a friend, I would see what it was like. And of course, as anyone who has been to Dane’s knows, you’re instantly hooked.
What is the hook?
Chad. It is you.
I wasn’t even there when you started!
Ugh, who was my instant hook? That was like Dunte and Lee Anne and Andrew Key-
Oh… your hook was Andrew’s abs.
And his smile.
Yep, we are a very vapid and surfacey community here.
*laughing* Oh, that is totally what they say about us. I was very much a Fusion class only person at first. I made amazing friends and people were so cool. I did a “get fit” month through the Shop and they suggested working some Strength classes in. I was super intimidated, but I will never forget the first class I went to; Shelly Nall and Carmen Gaddis invited me to join their rack. I was so relieved! These two women in the Strength class were being nice to me and we are still great friends to this day. They were so encouraging and nice.
This is just like the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes on the bus and Jenny says he can sit with her.
YES! One hundred percent! Shout out to those wonderful ladies. Again it was an instant hook- I never thought I’d be someone who enjoyed the self challenge of Strength and getting new maxes and competing with yourself. But it is such an encouraging community and now I feel like I am more of a Strength than a Fusion person. I talk about “church of Keith” and “disciple of Keith” like so many of us are.
I want to dig into that a little further- what is so stimulating about the idea of competing with yourself?
As I mentioned with sustainability, I’m a person who likes challenges. Most people know I don’t gravitate toward cardio challenges-
You actually have this cool move you will do where you will take back to back classes and work really hard in Strength and then just stand around talking to people in Fusion rather than working out.
*roaring with laughter* Oh I do some of the work out. At least half!
Sometimes… I’ve seen it both ways. But I endorse it!
It is also about who is your coach? That is another thing I love about Dane’s- all the coaches have different personalities and types of motivation. Depending on how I’m feeling in a day, there are different coaches I want to see. If I’m feeling like stretching and just doing any sort of movement, Bean is going to be my support for that because she is so great at modifying. If I really need to have my ass kicked, it is Beth Reyburn’s class- 100% that is where I am going because she won’t let me slack off at all. I really love that you can get whatever you want.
What mindset propels you into my class?
Well, I get a butt bump!
There we go! For our listeners, that is very much non-pornographic. This is a Covid thing where we have taken the “ebola elbow” and turned it into what I call the “Covid cullo”. We can’t hug one another so we tap butts.
And it has been wonderful.
It really has, I love butt bumping with you Lauren.
I butt bump with other people, but you are my primary butt bump partner. You really are.
I love that we are poly-assmorous.
That is perfect! I don’t know that I’ve ever butt-bumped Dane. That would be an interesting experience.
That is your challenge for the week! You need to butt bump Dane. That is actually a great segue into some random questions and questions asked by coaches. Autumn asked a question, and I thought she was going in the direction of the classic KFM question directed at coaches-
What? Oh! Oh…. yeah. *knowing laughter*
But she framed it in a more family friendly way. So amongst the coaches, let’s not make any members uncomfortable, choose: a. one person to go out for the night with; dinner, clubbing, whatever b. one person to go on a long weekend with- hang out for a week or so and c. a coach to be your roommate- someone you’d want to live with for a year or two.
Ooooo…. That is good! Clubbing is you, hands down. We’ve actually talked about that multiple times in recent conversations. When can we go to Barbarella/ can we turn the new Hyde Park Shop into a club. So that is an easy one. Weekend getaway? Any coach. But probably Bean. I feel like she’d be a good combo of doing activities and just chilling.
Absolutely. I think she’d be a great choice. My only counterpoint is that she’d also be great for the last category.
Yeah… So the last category would be Stormie. We used to work together and have many similarities. Stormie would be good because socializing would be easy and we have enough in common. I think it would be great.
Yeah. And her heroin addiction isn’t totally obvious. People don’t know about it-
Well I actually started her on that. It is something we do together. I wasn’t going to bring that up. *big laughter*
Pass the needle- that is perfect! Another question came from Stormie actually. When are you going to stop bailing on her 6am classes?
*roaring with laughter* I knew it!
How often are you doing this to her?
Honestly, like every week.
Stormie, you aren’t alone- she does it to me too!
I try not to bail on anyone‘s classes.
But if you do, you prefer to bail on Stormie’s?
No! It just happens that stuff comes up on Tuesday morning. If I do miss one of her classes, I try to make it up later in the week. Listen, I’m trying!
Come on Stormie- ease up off our girl! Beth Reyburn wanted to know if you’ve ever met anyone more extroverted than you?
Ha! I’m sure I have… no one is coming to mind.
This is the least quick you’ve answered anything.
You’re pretty extroverted- I don’t know if it is out of necessity…
It’s just my job. If I had my way, I would never speak to another human again, but for some reason I chose a job where I have to talk to all the humans all the time.
*laughing* maybe it is me. All of my friends joke that no matter where I go I meet someone I know and I feel compelled to talk to people. Why wouldn’t I though? Maybe it is me.
I’ve never seen anyone as comfortable talking to strangers as you are. This is a great time to mention that you and another member, Erika Bsumek, ran a voter registration drive last fall. You spearheaded the thing while Erika and I just hung back- you would just approach anyone walking by and ask them if they were registered to vote.
I think that is part of my profession- as part of the stadium tour program, I literally had to talk to anyone who comes into my presence, whether they want to yell at me or thank me or ask me a question.
Speaking of talking to strangers, I’ve been wanting to work in a plug for you! You have a podcast called “Tell Me More About That”. You aren’t talking to strangers, but it definitely features your gift of gab. I’ve got two questions- the first one is, what is your favorite thing about running a long-form conversation podcast?
Um… I just like hanging out with my friend Mackenzie. We had thought about a podcast a couple years ago and then the pandemic happened and it was something to keep us engaged. We’re both people who like to learn new things and ask questions. It has been cool to cover topics that we want to talk about. We actually are recording this weekend- I’m covering Kate Winslet and she is covering the real life human who Leo’s character (from the film Titanic) was based on.
That’s cool. *begins singing “My Heart Will Go On”-
That is definitely going to need to stay in the interview.
Kate and Leo were technically the stars, but we all know Celine was the real star of that film. Piggybacking off of that, you’re in your second season of the podcast. Of all the people that you’ve covered or are planning to cover, who would you most like to have on your podcast?
Ohhh… That’s a really good question. You’ll appreciate this, but the first person I thought of was Abraham Lincoln-
FUCK YEAH!
We don’t always cover people– I would love to talk to an octopus. They are fascinating. And also, I want people listening to this to know Chad came up with the sub-series for the podcast, and has been a guest on the pod; it is called “Tell Me Even More About That”. We did an episode called American Dads because Tom Hanks and Abe Lincoln are distantly related. Chad came on and told us his top five takes on our episode and told us more about Lincoln!
And it was fun! I had several friends and family members who listened to it, loved it, and thought you ladies did a great job.
You were a blast! If anyone else wants to be on, let me know!
Listen to the podcast and hit them up if you have something to add!
If there are any marine biologists out there that would be awesome!
That would be killer. I think we’re getting close to wrapping this up and we have covered so much information in a short time. Do you have any questions to pose to the coaching staff? They came pretty aggressively with questions for you. Also any members you have questions for?
This is a silly thing, but it is the first thing that came to mind- when are they going to replace the (teensy and jenky) white rack in the Strength room at Hyde Park with a real rack?
I’m going to just answer this one with my educated guess… never!
Well it works and as a person who supports sustainability, I respect that.
The Shop has to rank pretty high in terms of sustainable practices right?
Absolutely! I’m trying to think of questions, but because I talk a lot, I have probably already asked them. As far as members, I was at Manor one morning and I don’t know as many people there. I was working out next to someone and the coach introduced us. The person responded by saying they were really introverted.
Good on them for calling it out!
Props to you! I could have annoyed the crap out of you and you would have been miserable. Thank you for telling me! I’m capable of not talking- I just don’t do it often. I don’t have a question for that member, I just want to say I respect the hell out of you.
Open-ended, I’ll throw it out for that member to contact me, chad@danesbodyshop.com, and if you have any questions for Lauren, like what the hell did you have to drink before you came to class?, let me know! Well wrapping up, I like to finish with words of wisdom since you are now in the pantheon of Athlete Spotlights. Specifically, I’d like to frame this as, because you made such a remarkable pivot during this difficult time do you have any advice for turning lemons into lemonade?
It is certainly easier said than done, but you can choose to see the glass half full. Sometimes being miserable is unavoidable, but once you get out of that you can choose to find the gratitude in your life. Copying (former DBS member and former Spotlight Athlete) Chelsea Bunn, I started making a construction paper gratitude chain. I write a gratitude on a piece of paper, particularly when I’m having a down day, and I have it hanging in my house as a physical reminder of how much I have to be grateful for. And actually last week I think I had two Chad classes and I wrote after the second class that I was grateful for two classes with Chad and all the butt bumps.
Aw….
I was having a particularly rough week last week and getting to see you twice, I was grateful for that.
That’s too heartwarming! Now how often do you have to burn off links on the chain because you had two Chad classes???
*big laughter* Never!
So finding the gratitude?
Yeah, choosing to see the glass half full because we all have things that we can be grateful for even if they are hard to see. When I didn’t get to go on that trip I reminded myself that I had a roof over my head, I was able to feed myself, my family was healthy, and that was what really mattered.
Now really quick, Dane’s Body Shop coaches: kill, f***, marry?
AHHHHH!!!
And we stop recording now!
