Lauren and I met in Mueller Lake Park on a breezy afternoon for a conversation that was top notch with respect to content and honestly, the audio was amazing as well!  Given that Lauren is a podcast empresario, we may end up releasing the audio of this interview at some point!  If you’re looking for a sterling example of making the best out of a pandemic- from overindulging in Mexican Martinis to chancing into a grad school program, to inventive ways of making human contact hygienically, this conversation is a can’t miss!

Coach Chad: I think the first question that I wanted to ask you, Lauren Lichterman is-

Lauren Lichterman: Is it on?

Oh, we’re recording!

We goin’!  Woo!

So it is April 14th today and about a year ago your world changed more dramatically than most people I know with respect to what their plans were versus what actually ended up happening.  Can you talk to me a little bit about what you planned on doing in the Spring of 2020 and what actually happened?

*giggling knowingly*  So… I had quit my job that I had had for 10 years-

Which was?

Working in the University of Texas Athletics Department- Hook em horns!  I had been there for a decade working in facilities and events and I reached a limit.  I loved it, it was great, but one can only work 60-80 hour weeks for so long.  So I quit my job, didn’t know what I was going to do, and formulated this idea based around a conference in London that I was going to go to in March of 2020.  I figured since I was unemployed and had some savings, why would I come back?

Makes perfect sense!

So my original plan was to get on a plane on March 14th with a one way ticket to London and then just travel and volunteer around the world for the next year or two.  That didn’t pan out…

Wait, why didn’t that pan out?

Unfortunately this little thing called Covid hit the entire world-

Ahhhh yes, that!

We had a pandemic and all the borders to countries started closing on March 13th, so literally a 12 hour difference and I might have been stuck in London.  I would have had to buy a very expensive ticket back or to find an AirBnB in London and-

and start working on your cockney accent?

And do nothing!  Just being trapped in London- there are obviously worse places to be.

Can you do a British accent by the way?

Oh I am the worst at accents-

Do one anyway!

Uh… Chip, chip cheerio!  *laughing* Cheers to the gov’nah!  *dear readers, she really isn’t that bad!  I’d give her a C-!*

Good job!  What went through your mind when this happened I thought about you so much.  For me, I don’t do well with plans being messed up because I’m mildly obsessive compulsive.  I would have been destroyed.

It was not pleasant.  For a while I was convinced that I was still going to go and that it would all blow over *sardonic laughter*.  A handful of very concerned and stern friends talked me off of getting on a plane.  I am very obsessive about making plans too, so it was very surprising that I had booked such an open trip.  So for the rest of March I was just drunk for like two weeks.  I was going to pity party for 4 or 5 days and then give myself a cut-off point for being mad.  But at that point I had literally nothing to do!

I feel like I remember hearing the phrase “passed out in a kiddy pool in my driveway on Cinco de Mayo”?

That happened!  I made Trudy’s Mexican Martinis and didn’t have much of a direction at that point.  So I was going to travel the world but I ended up working at Home Depot instead, so things really worked out for the better!

When life hands you lemonade, make lemons eh?

Exactly!  It was not my favorite- I made it a month.

I was lucky enough to be in phone and texting contact with you throughout all of this, and it was my perception that you never really bottomed out.  You seemed to be in as good of a headspace as any of us at the time.  Is that true?  Do you feel like you kept a pretty decent head on your shoulders?

I think I did.  I guess if the rest of the world hadn’t also been suffering then it might have been harder to digest that my world imploded.  Most people were way worse off than me- I had savings.  I had friends lose jobs, people’s daily lives got disrupted- I did not have a daily life.

That is an incredible amount of self awareness and graciousness.  I feel like that could have been a really dark time for you and the way you handled it was actually quite inspirational to me.  Like Lauren is keeping her shit together, so why not keep my shit together.

Thanks! *bashful laughter*

Were there any dark moments you wanted to highlight, because otherwise I’m going to move along.

I think the dark moment was the day after Cinco de Mayo when I thought maybe I was dying.  I didn’t pass out!  I fell in the Kiddy Pool.  I don’t remember a lot of that day- I had a lot of Zooms going on.  I am normally a very responsible drunk and apparently I couldn’t figure out how to unplug the kiddy pool.

I wanted to point to the brighter side because through all of this, your life hit a major inflection point.  Your life pivoted completely during the height of the pandemic.  Can you talk about that?

Yeah!  Early mid-May I got an opportunity to go to grad school and become a research assistant in sports sustainability and to get my Masters in sports management- which is ironically something I have said that I would never ever, ever, ever do- going back to school.  But when you have literally nothing going on in life and an expert in your field reaches out and says they want to work with you, grab that bull by the horns!

Hook’em!

Right- and the only downside is the program is at A&M which is a bit of an inner conflict.

Gig’em?

They do say that.  So because of the pandemic, most of the coursework is remote so I didn’t need to move to College Station.  So now I am in the academic world!  It is very different to be in an academic program with twenty-two year olds-

You mean people of the age twenty-two right? Not like twenty two years?

*laughing* Correct!

Not a grad program for toddlers?

I clear the next oldest person by five years- I’m closer in age to all of my professors than anyone in my cohort.

So that isn’t just thriving in spite of the pandemic, it sounds like you were attuned to possibilities that happened because of the pandemic.

Absolutely!

Now one of the more serious questions the coaches wanted me to ask you was Beth Reyburn wanted to know how you got into sustainability.  And this might be a good time for you to tag on a mini bio of yourself.

I grew up recycling and caring about the environment and didn’t think too much about it until I got into my full time job with Texas Athletics.  I had originally been hired to create and manage their customer service program on game days for different sports.  I randomly got invited to a meeting with the sustainability office on campus.  They wanted to build a tailgate recycling program and asked if I could support it.  So for the first couple years I was just in a support role but I ended up, in collaboration with the office of sustainability, building out this massive Texas Athletics sustainability program.  Our main focus has been in zero waste, so I’ve jumped in lots of dumpsters and I’ve touched lots of trash-

So you have to have a killer immune system!

I have to!  Yeah, there’s been some gross trash- rancid meat day, rainbow spills (which is our code for vomit at events).  So yeah, just by happenstance- good timing and networking.  They gave me the autonomy to work on (sustainability) as long as I got my other work done.  So I got grant funding and sponsorships.  What I love about it is that it is important for the world and it is a challenge all of the time- there is always something to fix in building sustainability.  I’ve loved puzzles all my life- I got caught doing a puzzle during class today!  And then I’ve found that I need meaning in my work- I need to be doing something for the common good in order to be motivated to do it.

That is great.  For someone who has eyes trained on sustainability I have two questions: a. what is the most common violation of sustainability protocol and b. what is the most egregious?

I wonder if they are one in the same?  The most common is paper.  People don’t know what to do with paper.  Paper towels, specifically, are not recyclable and everyone thinks they are.  They have a conditioner in them that makes them function as paper towels-

People really think that?

Yes! I mean you would recycle newspaper if it got a little wet, you’d recycle computer paper if it got a little wet- but you don’t use those things as paper towels!  So that is a huge misconception people have of paper towels.

And a huge misconception you have of me is that I actually do use computer paper to dry my hands.

No you don’t!

I like the way it feels.

How many paper cuts do you have?

So many!  I’m a bad boy and I like to remind myself that I’m a bad boy.  Okay, so people not knowing what to do with paper.  What makes you the most angry?  What is flagrant and egregious?

What immediately came to mind is greenwashing.  Companies will spend their marketing dollars telling you that they’re doing good stuff for the environment but they are actually spending more money on the marketing than the thing itself.

Wow!

You see it with Exxon and BP, Coca Cola- they are trying to tell you that they are doing good and to put the onus on the individual to be more sustainable when they are actually the biggest offenders.  There aren’t a lot of common definitions for materials, so they can use “compostable” or “biodegradable” as they wish and there is no regulation.  It pisses me off to no end.  You’ll have to cut me off on this in a second, but you know “reduce, reuse, recycle”?  That is a hierarchy, you should reduce first and then reuse and then recycle. Most people think “recycle, recycle, recycle” because Coca Cola has put a shit ton of marketing dollars in telling you that you need to recycle stuff so that you will buy their plastic and aluminum.

And there are other  reasons to not drink Coca Cola- like health.  That is a great segue!  Lauren, how did you get into health and fitness?

I grew up playing sports.  I had never been into working out for fun, it was just a necessity because that is how sports work.  I had a roommate years ago- however long I’ve been a member, seven years?- who worked out at Dane’s and when she came to live with me asked me if I’d like to join.  I figured if I was going with a friend, I would see what it was like.  And of course, as anyone who has been to Dane’s knows, you’re instantly hooked.

What is the hook?

Chad.  It is you.

I wasn’t even there when you started!

Ugh, who was my instant hook?  That was like Dunte and Lee Anne and Andrew Key-

Oh… your hook was Andrew’s abs.

And his smile.

Yep, we are a very vapid and surfacey community here.

*laughing* Oh, that is totally what they say about us.  I was very much a Fusion class only person at first.  I made amazing friends and people were so cool.  I did a “get fit” month through the Shop and they suggested working some Strength classes in.  I was super intimidated, but I will never forget the first class I went to; Shelly Nall and Carmen Gaddis invited me to join their rack.  I was so relieved!  These two women in the Strength class were being nice to me and we are still great friends to this day.  They were so encouraging and nice.

This is just like the scene in Forrest Gump when he goes on the bus and Jenny says he can sit with her.

YES!  One hundred percent!  Shout out to those wonderful ladies.  Again it was an instant hook- I never thought I’d be someone who enjoyed the self challenge of Strength and getting new maxes and competing with yourself. But it is such an encouraging community and now I feel like I am more of a Strength than a Fusion person.  I talk about “church of Keith” and “disciple of Keith” like so many of us are.

I want to dig into that a little further- what is so stimulating about the idea of competing with yourself?

As I mentioned with sustainability, I’m a person who likes challenges.  Most people know I don’t gravitate toward cardio challenges-

You actually have this cool move you will do where you will take back to back classes and work really hard in Strength and then just stand around talking to people in Fusion rather than working out.

*roaring with laughter*  Oh I do some of the work out.  At least half!

Sometimes… I’ve seen it both ways.  But I endorse it!

It is also about who is your coach?  That is another thing I love about Dane’s- all the coaches have different personalities and types of motivation.  Depending on how I’m feeling in a day, there are different coaches I want to see.  If I’m feeling like stretching and just doing any sort of movement, Bean is going to be my support for that because she is so great at modifying.  If I really need to have my ass kicked, it is Beth Reyburn’s class- 100% that is where I am going because she won’t let me slack off at all.  I really love that you can get whatever you want.

What mindset propels you into my class?

Well, I get a butt bump!

There we go!  For our listeners, that is very much non-pornographic.  This is a Covid thing where we have taken the “ebola elbow” and turned it into what I call the “Covid cullo”.  We can’t hug one another so we tap butts.

And it has been wonderful.

It really has, I love butt bumping with you Lauren.

I butt bump with other people, but you are my primary butt bump partner.  You really are.

I love that we are poly-assmorous.  

That is perfect!  I don’t know that I’ve ever butt-bumped Dane.  That would be an interesting experience.

That is your challenge for the week!  You need to butt bump Dane.  That is actually a great segue into some random questions and questions asked by coaches.  Autumn asked a question, and I thought she was going in the direction of the classic KFM question directed at coaches-

What?  Oh!  Oh…. yeah. *knowing laughter*

But she framed it in a more family friendly way.  So amongst the coaches, let’s not make any members uncomfortable, choose: a. one person to go out for the night with; dinner, clubbing, whatever b. one person to go on a long weekend with- hang out for a week or so and c. a coach to be your roommate- someone you’d want to live with for a year or two.

Ooooo….  That is good!  Clubbing is you, hands down.  We’ve actually talked about that multiple times in recent conversations. When can we go to Barbarella/ can we turn the new Hyde Park Shop into a club.  So that is an easy one.  Weekend getaway?  Any coach.  But probably Bean.  I feel like she’d be a good combo of doing activities and just chilling.

Absolutely.  I think she’d be a great choice.  My only counterpoint is that she’d also be great for the last category.

Yeah…  So the last category would be Stormie.  We used to work together and have many similarities. Stormie would be good because socializing would be easy and we have enough in common.  I think it would be great.

Yeah.  And her heroin addiction isn’t totally obvious.  People don’t know about it-

Well I actually started her on that.  It is something we do together. I wasn’t going to bring that up. *big laughter*

Pass the needle- that is perfect!  Another question came from Stormie actually.  When are you going to stop bailing on her 6am classes?

*roaring with laughter*  I knew it!

How often are you doing this to her?

Honestly, like every week.

Stormie, you aren’t alone- she does it to me too!

I try not to bail on anyone‘s classes.

But if you do, you prefer to bail on Stormie’s?

No! It just happens that stuff comes up on Tuesday morning.  If I do miss one of her classes, I try to make it up later in the week.  Listen, I’m trying!

Come on Stormie- ease up off our girl!  Beth Reyburn wanted to know if you’ve ever met anyone more extroverted than you?

Ha!  I’m sure I have… no one is coming to mind.

This is the least quick you’ve answered anything.

You’re pretty extroverted- I don’t know if it is out of necessity…

It’s just my job.  If I had my way, I would never speak to another human again, but for some reason I chose a job where I have to talk to all the humans all the time.

*laughing* maybe it is me.  All of my friends joke that no matter where I go I meet someone I know and I feel compelled to talk to people.  Why wouldn’t I though?  Maybe it is me.

I’ve never seen anyone as comfortable talking to strangers as you are.  This is a great time to mention that you and another member, Erika Bsumek, ran a voter registration drive last fall.  You spearheaded the thing while Erika and I just hung back- you would just approach anyone walking by and ask them if they were registered to vote.

I think that is part of my profession- as part of the stadium tour program, I literally had to talk to anyone who comes into my presence, whether they want to yell at me or thank me or ask me a question.

Speaking of talking to strangers, I’ve been wanting to work in a plug for you!  You have a podcast called “Tell Me More About That”.  You aren’t talking to strangers, but it definitely features your gift of gab.  I’ve got two questions- the first one is, what is your favorite thing about running a long-form conversation podcast?

Um… I just like hanging out with my friend Mackenzie.  We had thought about a podcast a couple years ago and then the pandemic happened and it was something to keep us engaged.  We’re both people who like to learn new things and ask questions.  It has been cool to cover topics that we want to talk about.  We actually are recording this weekend- I’m covering Kate Winslet and she is covering the real life human who Leo’s character (from the film Titanic) was based on.

That’s cool. *begins singing “My Heart Will Go On”-

That is definitely going to need to stay in the interview.

Kate and Leo were technically the stars, but we all know Celine was the real star of that film.  Piggybacking off of that, you’re in your second season of the podcast.  Of all the people that you’ve covered or are planning to cover, who would you most like to have on your podcast?

Ohhh…  That’s a really good question.   You’ll appreciate this, but the first person I thought of was Abraham Lincoln-

FUCK YEAH!

We don’t always cover people– I would love to talk to an octopus.  They are fascinating.  And also, I want people listening to this to know Chad came up with the sub-series for the podcast, and has been a guest on the pod; it is called “Tell Me Even More About That”.  We did an episode called American Dads because Tom Hanks and Abe Lincoln are distantly related.  Chad came on and told us his top five takes on our episode and told us more about Lincoln!

And it was fun!  I had several friends and family members who listened to it, loved it, and thought you ladies did a great job.

You were a blast!  If anyone else wants to be on, let me know!

Listen to the podcast and hit them up if you have something to add!

If there are any marine biologists out there that would be awesome!

That would be killer.  I think we’re getting close to wrapping this up and we have covered so much information in a short time.  Do you have any questions to pose to the coaching staff?  They came pretty aggressively with questions for you.  Also any members you have questions for?

This is a silly thing, but it is the first thing that came to mind- when are they going to replace the (teensy and jenky) white rack in the Strength room at Hyde Park with a real rack?

I’m going to just answer this one with my educated guess… never!

Well it works and as a person who supports sustainability, I respect that.

The Shop has to rank pretty high in terms of sustainable practices right?

Absolutely!  I’m trying to think of questions, but because I talk a lot, I have probably already asked them.  As far as members, I was at Manor one morning and I don’t know as many people there.  I was working out next to someone and the coach introduced us.  The person responded by saying they were really introverted.

Good on them for calling it out!

Props to you!  I could have annoyed the crap out of you and you would have been miserable.  Thank you for telling me!  I’m capable of not talking- I just don’t do it often.  I don’t have a question for that member, I just want to say I respect the hell out of you.

Open-ended, I’ll throw it out for that member to contact me, chad@danesbodyshop.com, and if you have any questions for Lauren, like what the hell did you have to drink before you came to class?, let me know!  Well wrapping up, I like to finish with words of wisdom since you are now in the pantheon of Athlete Spotlights.  Specifically, I’d like to frame this as, because you made such a remarkable pivot during this difficult time do you have any advice for turning lemons into lemonade?

It is certainly easier said than done, but you can choose to see the glass half full.  Sometimes being miserable is unavoidable, but once you get out of that you can choose to find the gratitude in your life.  Copying (former DBS member and former Spotlight Athlete) Chelsea Bunn, I started making a construction paper gratitude chain.  I write a gratitude on a piece of paper, particularly when I’m having a down day, and I have it hanging in my house as a physical reminder of how much I have to be grateful for.  And actually last week I think I had two Chad classes and I wrote after the second class that I was grateful for two classes with Chad and all the butt bumps.

Aw….

I was having a particularly rough week last week and getting to see you twice, I was grateful for that.

That’s too heartwarming!  Now how often do you have to burn off links on the chain because you had two Chad classes???

*big laughter*  Never!

So finding the gratitude?

Yeah, choosing to see the glass half full because we all have things that we can be grateful for even if they are hard to see.  When I didn’t get to go on that trip I reminded myself that I had a roof over my head, I was able to feed myself, my family was healthy, and that was what really mattered.

Now really quick, Dane’s Body Shop coaches: kill, f***, marry?

AHHHHH!!!

And we stop recording now!

Friday Hybrid at Hyde Park always carries with it an air of festivity, but this was a particularly special end to the week.  Ty and I hung around after class to enjoy a couple cool beers and some hot takes in the shade of that Shop’s recently erected outdoor shade tent.  Read on to learn more about this shy but social Shop standout!

Coach Chad: What was that Eric?

Hybrid attendee, Eric Freytag:  Dane Krager, bad coach or worst coach at Dane’s Body Shop?

That is a fabulous question and a great way to start this Shop Athlete Spotlight Interview with Ty Lapinski- what is your opinion Ty?

Ty Lapinski: Well, he definitely isn’t the worst.

Oh!  That is going to be the title of this interview: “Dane Krager: Definitely not The Worst”.  Who is the worst coach?

I’m going to go with John, because he can never finish a class on time- he always runs over.

Why do you suppose that is?

Time management skills, lots of talking.  He is the one who talks about Shop news updates.

Gotchya- well that is actually very good of him!  

Eric: *laughing* You guys have fun, I’ll see ya later!

So I did a little bit of deep diving to research you before this interview- I got on the dark web… that’s right, instagram!  You have three emoticons on your profile, do you know what they are?

One is a swimmer, one is headphones, and the other one is a laptop?

A weightlifter actually.  I know that you lift weights and that you are a swimmer, so I wanted to start off talking about the headphones.  Do you just like music a lot or do you make music?

It has been a Covid hobby, but I’ve always had a passion for music.  I picked up a mixer and I’ve been producing stuff.  I’ve had friends who have done it for years, so I just started making music and playing shows.  In Zilker Park, we have a thing we do once a month called “Beats in the Park”.  We go out there with a generator and then three or four of us will play for a few hours.

That is really fun.  What type of music?

Um… I play a little bit of everything.  I try to make more modern beats with older songs.

I’m completely ignorant about the process of creating electronic music.  Do you just grab samples and mix them together?

There are a bunch of ways you can do it.  You can download songs and mix them with others- pull the vocals off one and put beats from another song in to make it kind of a different song.  You can speed it up or slow it down.  As you’re playing throughout (a set) when you move between songs, to have a seamless transition, you have to be at kind of the same tempo.  It is fun!  I work a lot during the week, so it is just one of those things where I can decompress and make music.  I was never musically inclined growing up- I played the trumpet, but I didn’t like it that much- I wanted to play drums but I ranked very poorly in the percussion instruments.  It kind of came full circle- that there was a way to make music but it didn’t have to be with an instrument.  I like playing live shows because it is kind of exposing people to music they had never heard of before.

You make gateway drug music!

There you go!

Do you have any artists that were particularly influential for you?

There is a label called Anjunabeats- the people who made it are called “Above and Beyond” and they go way back- they are a very niche genre part of EDM music.  They got into the form because of Moby and are kind of the founding fathers of this type of music- even some of the more well known stuff like Kygo.  There is a guy named Jason Ross that is my all time favorite- I usually have a hat on that has his logo.  I wasn’t always into this type of music- I used to be into more rock music, but I kind of evolved as I exited high school into this other realm.  So now I can combine some of the music I listened to back then with what I listen to now.

That’s really cool. So you grew up in Austin?

Yeah, I was born in San Antonio, then my parents moved here when I was four and pretty much lived here my whole life.  I tried going to Florida for my first year of college-

What was that about?  Just trying something new?

I was recruited for swimming at FAU (Florida Atlantic University)- I thought it was going to be awesome, like 5 minutes from the beach, a newer University, Coach Bean went there… But then I remembered coming back for Thanksgiving and then getting on the plane to go back to Florida and I felt like I was going to cry.  I saw my future flashing before my eyes and started to think that if I stayed in Florida I would be stuck in Florida.

What did that future look like?  What does Florida Ty look like?

If you’ve never been to Florida, it is a fun place to visit, but living there is quite the different experience.  You hear about it on the news and think, “there is no way it could be so crazy!” but it definitely is.

I like that Florida is catching some strays here.  Tell me what you were most proud of as a swimmer in college?

Funny- my year in Florida was my best year as a swimmer ever.

Because you always have alligators chasing you?

Exactly!  I came back to Austin and realized that swimming wasn’t a be all and end all for me.  The biggest thing for me (at Southwestern University in Georgetown) was when I came in there were only 10 people-which isn’t even a whole team- but then a new coach came in and we had a great recruiting class that I got to be a part of to build this whole program up from nothing.  Now they’ve won a whole bunch and so looking back it is cool to think that I was a part of that recruiting class that came in and set the tone for the rest of the program.  I had a few records.

Do any of them still stand?

I think one does.

How many steroids did you have to take to get those records?

*laughing* Thankfully none!

Oh guys, you can’t see it, but he just winked at me.  Okay, okay, I gotcha.  So now you work in tech?

Yes I do.  It is funny, I have always been competitive with sports and even with my career- it isn’t the same thing- but I always want to be working on the next thing.  

Pivoting back to this place, how did you end up at Dane’s Body Shop?

I heard about it a long time ago.  Funny story- I originally heard about it from a dating app.

Oh, so that ad space we bought on Grindr really worked!

*big laughter* It was actually on Tinder, but that is fine as well.  I have a coworker named Trent Walker who used to come to the Shop and I’m trying to get him to come back- not sure if he gets these newsletters or not… Trent Walker!  But (he and his roommate) lived close to the Hyde Park Shop and they suggested that I check it out.  So I did and I just loved it.  So three years later, here I am and I tell everyone about it!

If you’ve got other things about The Shop that you love, jump back in- but I wanted to circle back to the music thing.  As such a fan of music, is there a coach that just hits you right with the music?

Unfortunately, Mitch isn’t here any more-

I was going to guess that based on what you described.  

Stormie and Bean are also really good.  Sometimes Bean lets me take over the music for a class.  I can give you the worst…

That is normally the way I frame the question!

It is definitely Keith *laughing*.  But now that I am thinking about it, I’m probably the worst.  Keith gave me his phone number so I could send him some playlists.  I was playing music during class and he said, “I really like the music you’re playing- could you send me the playlist?”.  And um… I forgot.

That is funny because Keith called me up one evening in February, and he was crying.  He said, “I’ve lost it”.  Then I said, “What did you lose Keith?”.  And he responded “All of my ability to have faith and trust in another human.  A member who told me they’d send me a playlist just didn’t.”. 

Oh, well now I feel really bad.  Big beefy exterior but a teddy bear underneath eh?

He’s a gentle person.  Aside from a unique music bond with coaches, do you have any members that you’ve created a relationship with?

Oh man, I’m shy.  At The Manor Shop, there are some people that I will be talkative with in class- do you know Mark?

Is he the doctor?

Oh, there are two Marks- Mark Murray is a doctor- but there is Mark and Leo.  And then JP. We’re all pretty talkative.  I’m a more reserved person- I’ll wait for you to come to me.

You’re like a kitty cat!

I’ve been told that I’m not approachable, that I’ve got “resting bitch face”.

I don’t know that that is true!

I haven’t been told that at The Shop, but like at the office.  But, I mean, I’m sitting in front of a computer!

Fu** whoever said that, you can have a computer bitch face!

Well I am approachable- you can always say hi to me.

And you were working out with Brian yesterday-

Yes, Brian is my boyfriend and we live together on the east side.  I’ve been going to The Shop for three years and I’ve been with Brian for two years-

So you get all buff and sexy at The Shop and snag a dreamboat like Brian- I see!

Exactly!  So I convinced him to come over to Dane’s in the fall and I think he’s loving it.

And you two give one another shit when you workout.  Do you have fun working out together

Oh yeah!  People think we’re nuts- like don’t you spend enough time together at home (we both work at home due to Covid)?  But we like being around each other.  Even outside of Dane’s though, we give each other shit.  Brian doesn’t go around saying it, but he used to do a lot of Crossfit and he is certified, so I always throw that in his face.  If he’s introducing himself to a coach I always tell the coach that and just walk away.  I like to plant that seed.

Just throwing a little bomb on his lap.

We have fun!  But yeah even though I love my job, working out here helps to relieve stress and everyone is super nice and friendly.

When I was Instagram stalking you, I scrolled all the way down on your feed-

Oh god!  There are some photos of me with like diamond earrings and I look like such a douche-

You look adorable!  But there are a number of photos of you with really lovely women.  Sometimes it is two or three really lovely women.  If I didn’t have a greater context of you, I’d be thinking “this guy is big pimpin!”.

After living in the dorms, I lived off campus with three girls who were all on the swim team.  It wasn’t until late in college that people really knew that I was gay.  People would be like, “If Ty doesn’t show up to this party, then none of the girls show up- what is going on?”.  They didn’t realize that I was the gay best friend.  I have a twin sister and my mom who were both involved with me growing up (my Dad just traveled a lot for work), so talking to women has always been very easy for me- not just because of the gay thing, it is just who I grew up with.  All of my bosses have been women- I’ve been very fortunate to work with a lot of really amazing women.  With everything going on in diversity with tech right now- it is just really cool that I’ve learned so much from women throughout my life.

I had a similar experience!  I had a wonderful father, who has passed, but he traveled a lot growing up, so it was my incredible sister and mom and my aunt and her daughters.  I’ve had amazing women as drama teachers and bosses- I’m always looking for the coolest woman in the room.  Even though I’m straight, I’ve always been happy to be in the roll of gay best friend.

*laughing* Now that I think about it, without realizing it, these women that I hung out with from my swim team in college were kind of my beard!

I love it- accidental beard!

I’m all about equality.  At work, we had a webinar about advocacy and I spoke about my female mentors… I’ve had male mentors too.  But what I was advocating was that if you’re a man you should have female mentors, not just male mentors.  Also, if you’re a woman you should have male mentors and not just female mentors.  I’ve always had a mixture of both and it has been a great experience.  But I’ve always had respect for women in my field- if you’re in tech and you are a woman or you aren’t white, you sometimes have to try twice as hard-

Wait, Ty!  Are you telling me the tech industry is dominated by white men?

Surprise right?!?!?

Interview over!  I have to do some research on this!  I think that is fantastic that you have a leadership voice in advocacy within your company.  Okay, so now you have the opportunity to make one strong woman very happy and one strong woman very sad.  I asked the coaches who had questions for you, and Autumn wanted me to ask if you like her or Stormie better.  So who is it?

Oh no!  This has been going on for like two years!

What started this?

I used to go to Autumn’s classes and then Stormie was doing a lot of afternoon classes.  So I used to have flexibility to take classes earlier in the afternoon-

I feel like you’re filibustering the question.

I know right?  I’m trying to run out of time so I don’t have to answer.  Anyway, if you asked me now it would have to be Stormie…

Oh!  Oh wow!!! Dayumn!!!

Because Autumn has not even been present in my life of late and I have heard that there have been people invited to Autumn’s home recently and I have yet to get an invite.  I heard there was an Easter situation?

So Stormie has the belt.  Does Autumn have a chance to win it back?

She does.  But, as I was saying earlier, she might have to work twice as hard.

*exploding with laughter* In improv, we call that a callback Ty.  That is brilliant.  

And now we have a “Lil Stormie” who is subbing from time to time.  Blair.

Lil Stormie?

That’s what she told me her nickname was!  She said people confuse her for Stormie because they are both blonde and have a similar frame, she’s just shorter.  She and Stormie both also work at UT apparently.  But she is great- helping a lot with my push press.

That makes me so happy.  Blair is the first new coach that I have sort of been in charge of bringing onto the team and I’m incredibly proud of her.  Stormie too!  We worked together at a shitty gym and so when I made it over to the Shop, I was like we need to get this awesome Stormie woman over here.  I think this is a good time to transition to some random questions.  As a music loving person, I like this unifying theme we’ve had, you walk into a room and a song plays as the Ty theme. What is it?  Maybe you’re a wrestler and it is your entrance music.

Laura Branigan has a song called “Gloria” that the St. Louis Blues play.  So I’m thinking about that playing as I’m swimming and walking up to the block.

I was terrible at sports as a kid, but I got really into baseball because I was slightly less embarrassing at that sport- still the worst kid on the team by far.  But I was really serious about it so I had a pump up song that I had my mom play on the short ride to the ballpark before every game.  And that song was “Fancy” by Reba McEntire.  I even named my bat “Fancy”.  There probably aren’t any weirder pump up song choices than that-

* laughing* Oh I’m sure you could go weirder, but that is pretty out there.

The next question is very theoretical and high concept- some magical being offers you a deal: you get $10,000 every year for the rest of your life and the only catch is that at one meal each year, could be the first meal or the last meal,  you will find a live angry scorpion.  Do you take the deal?

For $10,000 a year?  I don’t think I want it!

I’m so with you!  And you and I are in the minority based on responses I’ve heard.

Really?  I have to say that when they get to that sandwich and they lift up the bun and see that scorpion, they will be like “never mind, you keep the money!”

Yeah!  Burritos, sandwiches, chicken pot pies- you won’t enjoy your meal!  Thank you Ty, I’m glad you’re with me.  

I am not a bug person at all.  

I’ve asked people a question along the lines of if a movie was made of your life, what genre would it be?  who would direct it?  who would portray you in the movie?.  You can answer any of those, but I’m going to spin it for you and ask if someone were to make a film specifically of your experiences in class at The Shop, what kind of film would that be?  What genre?

I feel like it would have to be a super badass action or- no it has to be a comedy, just silly shit.

Is it a romantic comedy, do we bring Brian into it?

*sly smile* Why not?  That’d be fun.

Okay, if you were to describe yourself as a fruit or vegetable, what would that fruit or vegetable be and why?

If I were a vegetable, I’d have to go jalapeño-

Woah!  I’ve never had that answer before.

A little spicy.  I can give some sass sometimes-

Well yeah, Coach Autumn and the state of Florida have both experienced your sass today!

So jalapeño on the vegetable side, and I’d have to go with a lime on the fruit side.  Still a little acidic, but very bright.

We’re building a little Ty salsa here, I love it!  Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?

I think I’d go with the horse-sized duck.  A hundred duck-sized horses?  Have you ever seen eight-legged freaks?  Don’t see it, it is a nightmare.  There are super-sized spiders, but there are also small ones and they just crawl all over you.  And a horse-sized duck, I think that’d be kind of funny with his little flippers!

Do you know how long a duck’s penis is???

*eruption of laughter*

Ducks have like the longest penis relative to its body size in the animal kingdom!

Well I learned something today!

Go home and google duck penis!

I’m not going to do that, but I’ll take your word for it.

Fair enough.  Finally, do you have any questions you would pose to anyone in the Shop community?  You’ve already asked one: Autumn, why hasn’t Ty got the invite yet?

That is an important one.  I almost feel like I need to ask Stormie and Autumn for an argument as to why they should be my favorite.  And then in fairness, you’d have to throw Bean into the equation.

I think that is an excellent question.

I don’t know if I can ask this, but for Dane- where does he see The Shop going in the next five years?  Does he see more Shops in Austin?  Does he see it going beyond Austin?

I’m going to ask him that and I can almost guarantee that he’ll find a way to fudge out of it, but there is at least a 2% chance that he gives something resembling an authentic answer.

Even a clue would be great- even in a haiku form.

Do you have any parting words of wisdom, shout-outs, or haikus since you just mentioned them?

I guess as a personal thing, don’t be afraid to talk to me- I’m shy but I will be social.  

We’re starting to get an uptick in new members now that people are getting vaccinated.  Do you have one piece of advice you would give a brand new member if you were sitting across from them?

Stick with it.  It was tough for me and I swam at a high level.  The biggest thing that people don’t realize if you don’t come from a background of working out is that things don’t happen overnight.  And also, working out is a small part of your life so don’t take it too seriously.  I always say to people at work, if you’re not having fun and laughing then why are you doing this?

I guess on that note, do you have any words for Keith?  To help him get over you not sharing that playlist?

I’d say, “Hang in there.  Don’t give up.  I’ll get back to you-” *starts laughing*

But don’t hold your breath!

*still laughing*  Don’t hold your breath!  But I would say care a little less.  Stress relief isn’t just working out.  Working out actually is a form of stress on the body.  So you have to do something that actually is zero stress- whether that is meditation or yoga, just making time for yourself.  I’ve been trying to do a better job of that.

That’s good!  That point doesn’t come up so often.  You hear “just stick with it”, but you don’t hear that it is okay to find the point of no stress.

You need to find a way to disconnect.  Like *pointing to the sign for Square Root Kava Bar* you could sit there and think why did they choose that color of green?  What were they thinking?  But that is why I tell people to not care so much.  That green sign has no impact on you.  Maybe the green sign was a bad example-

It is clearly getting you really fired up!  Wow!

It was a poor choice, but even those little things- it is a good thing for your mind to not be as judgmental, but it also makes the world a better place.  If someone is wearing green, that is their choice- 

Do you not like my green shirt Ty?

I was about to say!  It isn’t the shirt, I was just trying to find an example!  I think everyone can care less about what other people are doing; focus on yourself and make time for yourself- I think that is super important for your wellbeing.  

Ty, I agree.  This has been an impressive, surprising, and delightful occasion for me- I hope you feel some of those things.

See!  This is the perfect example- you talk to me and you open up to me and I open up to you.  Deep down below this hard exterior there is this little teddy bear, it is a smaller teddy bear than Keith, but it is there!

ANSWERS TO TY’S QUESTIONS

1. When I asked Bean, Stormie and Autumn to make the case for who should be Ty’s favorites, they agreed to a little quiz in order to determine this.  Each of them privately sent me answers to the following questions about Ty and I ran it by him to see who came closer:

Favorite TV show?
Favorite hobby?
Favorite drink?
Favorite color?
Favorite type of music?

And the winner was????  

Well, Bean came off the top rope with a defiant non-answer that garnered imminent respect from our darling Spotlight Athlete, but coach Autumn was so close in her answer that he gave the rose to her.  Looks like our prodigal coach has officially announced her come back!


2. Where does Dane see the Shop in five years?

D: In 5 years there is a strong chance the Shop has maintained a strategic trajectory of 6 (or 7) new members per year, so we’ll likely have expanded. Also, by then, we’ll probably be invested in that mirror technology thing (finally) which lets our coaches coach from home but be projected onto the mirror in front of members at the Shop.. We’ll probably have like 5 of those things. Oh, and I can’t leave out the fact that my wife and I had kids for a reason – I won’t be around, but my children will be. They’ll be 11, 10 and 6 and they’ll operate the business to keep a youthful feel to the place. Duke will be a DJ at paleontology exhibits though, and traveling the country on occasion. I’ll have to fill in while he’s away, so I won’t be “gone” gone.

I enjoyed this question and your entire interview, Ty! Thank you for being a part of the Shop!